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What's Space Got To Do With It?

He Needs Space- Is He Leaving?

He starts by saying that awful phrase, “We've got to talk.” Then he mentions that he needs his 'space' for awhile, that it's 'not you, it's him.' After his cliche-heavy speech, he leaves. Leaving you, confused and asking what, exactly, his version of space is. Does it mean he wants a mini-break, a separation, or to break-up and simply go his own way? How can you read between the lines of your man's need for this mysterious, vague space?

There are two possibilities: he genuinely needs his space. Or he's too cowardly to tell you that yes, in fact he IS leaving you. How do you know and what should you do?

He Just Needs Space:

  • Some people really do need their space. If he's introverted, or used to being on his own, this is his way of adapting to it. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to come back or that it'll be for a long time. He could just need time for himself, without anyone, to breathe for a moment.

  • The length of the relationship comes into play, also. He could be feeling over-whelmed and maybe even suffocated if you've been spending every waking moment together. Or if you've been having problems, he might just want to clear his head and get some perspective from a distance. It doesn't have to be a bad thing, he could just be adjusting or problem-solving.

He Wants To Finish, And Go His Own Way:

  • Men absolutely detest conflict with women, they can be cowards when it comes to speaking up if they think the reaction might be in the least emotional- or even hysterical. He could be interested in someone else, especially if you've been having heavy hiccups in your relationship.

What Should You Do?

  • It's more like what you shouldn't, under any circumstances, do: panic, get hysterical and relentlessly try to contact him. Becoming a pseudo-stalker isn't going to convince him he was wrong in needing his space. He'll need it more. You'll push him away, and inflate his ego that you're pathetically desperate without him.

  • Don't argue with him or try to persuade him to stay. Tell him he's right. That it's a good idea for you both. Take the time apart to think about whether or not you want to be with him, or if it's just an ego-bruise that he's leaving you. Don't take his phone calls or emails. He needs his space? Take yours too, and make good use of the spare time to beautify and enjoy the things you've done less, in order to be with him. Nonetheless, if you can’t think of separation in any of the circumstances, you can best resort to “The Magic of Making Up”, a miraculous guide for couples in trouble that assures back the good times.

  • He may come back, he may not. Maybe he just got confused himself and taking space he's decided you're the one. Maybe he panicked and got cold feet. Maybe he's with someone new. But needing his space can backfire. Maybe you've decided you need to go your own way, giving him permanent man-space.

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Comments (22)

BF FOR 6 YEARS
Last Dec. 29 2012 I think We fought then he did not call me or text me just like he usually do. Then it seems that he ended everything when he said to me that he needs space. I do not beg him to stay. I told him if he wants space then that space that i'll be giving him is forever. I am hurt YES but I just don't want to be an OPTION for someone i thought who loves me with all his heart. Reality bites, that he is confused if he loves me or not. I won't settle for that eventhough we are together for about 6 years. It hurts a lot but I just need to be kind to myself. I need to move on.
#22 - Zelle - 01/08/2013 - 12:20
Heart Broken
I have been with my partner 2years, and he has packed his stuff and left suddenly. He has told me its over but then a couple off days later we have met up and he said he doesnt know what he wants and needs time to think. I feel in limbo waiting for him to make a decision. Empty is what i feel. The hardest part is waiting for him to choose weather or not he wants to be with me, he recently lost his job and i know this has added preasure to the situation. He said ideally he would like to try at our relationship, however he said he need space, and has spent the past two nights at my house as he is potentially homeless, staying at mates houses etc. What do i do please i need advice
#21 - KAY - 08/06/2012 - 08:36
9 months n one big fight ended us i want him bac so.bad but he needs time to think he says
:-(....
My boyfriend n I have been tog for 9 months when we first got tog it was amazing then after a while I would fight for the dummiest shit I have a lot of insecurity issues that I need to handle. I have been I would accuse him and assume and he never did anything to hurt me.I also had issues with staying off my phone he hated it..about 2 weeks ago we got in a huge fight and he told me he didn't want this relationship anymore and I went crazy begging him...he said he can't...we talk everyday...I bring it up sometimes n it pisses him off more...he promised me until he really sits back and think if me out his life is really wat he want he would not disrespect me and talk with other females to confuse him...he's mad upset frustrated confused pissed n tired of our situation..I undrstand its my fault..this is not the first time we fought n broke up this is just the longest...he said give him time...but its hard...plus he Texted me sometimes just to say gm or GN or on break at work or something dumb..he lives me he cares but I went to try n kiss n touch him n he says stop cause he's confused...I don't wanna lose him but I don't wanna keep my hopes up...Friday is my bday I asked him to go out he said ill let I kno....wat do I do???? Please help
#20 - rosa - 05/30/2012 - 12:36
broken hearted :-(
my boyfriend and me have been together for 2 years and now he tells me he needs his space and that I love him more than he loves me!! Everything was fine but I started seeing the distance between him and me and then I find out he has an online profile on a well known website and has been talking to several woman, but tells me he needs his space!!! what should i make of that?
#19 - Liz - 02/20/2012 - 11:04
Am I too trusting?
Okay so theres this guy ive been seeing, were constantly on and off. Neither of us have had serious relationships before but it freaks us out how serious we feel like things get between us. Im 20 hes 22. He just got his BA in political Science and is taking a break before going into law school, and im aiming to get my BA as a Nurse, the thing is were both really busy, trying to reach our goals. However, he broke up with me last, a month ago, saying "were too serious too fast and im not ready for this right now, i wish I had met you a year or 2 down the line, i wish we can be friends if you let us, and we'll see where it goes from there". When clearly from the start (4months ago) when we first started talking I didnt even want to get into a relationship but he insisted so i decided to take a risk. Now heres the think before this break up we had broken up before and it was because it just had hit him that I really am a Virgin. and apparently that was a problem to him, because i was waiting for marriage so hes like "so what if were together for a year or two? you wont even consider it?" i walked out on him that night and he came after me saying he still wants to be with me and what not. so we got back. Now I dont know if this break up is because of that still? I mean the problem is we still see eachother, go on dates, talk to eachother on daily bases and pretty much do everything we did when we were in a relationship just without the label now. my bestfriend thinks i shouldnt be doing that, i should tell him "so what you get to have the cake and eat it too?". anyways heres my next concern, him and his 3 bestfriends and their girlfriends live in one house. &i never like check up on him or anything, i completely have given him my trust. or the fact that i simply dont care, because all my life the truth always finds its way to me, and thats usually when Ill walk out, and at that point itll be his lose not mine. and he knows thats how i think. Iv warned him about it before. And he always tries checking up on me. OK sidetracking. back to the point... His room mates/friends me him and 2 of my friends decided all to go out to dinner one night before this Major break up i mentioned in the beginning. And we all had a great time. his bestfriend kept telling me how it was a fun night, and his other bestfriends gf from day one was dieing to be my friend! but ever since the break up, whenever i go to their house to hangout with him, they'll say hi but they wont even try to have a conversation like before. they act really weird. so i dont know if something happened between them where he doesnt want them talking to me or something? maybe because i mentioned his bestfriends gf had told me about his ex and hes very secretive that hes the last person i find anything out from, like i said the truth usually reveals itself to me on its own. So a few hours ago I had texted him saying hey i have a question, he calls me and says whats up babe? im like did something happened with your friends? they act really weird around me ever since last month, did something happen? hes all no, nothing happened im going to sleep. im like no seriously like did they say something to you about me or did you say something to them? __was dieng to be my friend from day one now all she says is hi then wont even look me in the eyes, whats going on? hes all its nothing seriously im going to sleep, im tired and i just got home and i have work all day tomorrow, ill talk to you later. Im all look if your not going to tell me, im just going to ask her myself, so just tell me whats going on. hes all STFU stop, dont start drama. im all do not use that kind language with me, hes all stopppp im going to sleep, i hung up. he didnt call back.

IS HE HIDING SOMETHING?!
apart of me feels like he knows im the best girl for him, and another part of me says im being naive and need to stop trusting him so much, and that hes hiding things. I tend to look at the best of people, and dont see the obvious in my own situations, and neither of us want our friends involved in our relationship because that tends to make us question eachother and go crazy. So idk if I should walk away from this realtionship or stay and see what happens? i just dont want to be the fool. but i dont know what the right thing to do is.
#18 - Sura Alzaidy - 02/19/2012 - 02:48

hello my name is Alex i am frm Washington have a story similar to your friend Clara. my wife of almost 3 years said the exact same thing, that she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with me, and after 10 days, moved out. We have a son together and that complicates things further. Luckily, I haven't been hysterical and freaking out like I normally would. I know that will only push her further away. my days of not seeing her it feels like absolute hell. she came back to get her stuff and to talk to me and she said she would still be there for me. I don't know if it was out of being truly genuine or because of our son. I truly love this woman, I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her. and the biological factor is so true. we've had our ups and downs but when it came down to it, we always kissed and made up. I honestly don't know what happened, as far i was concerned i would do everything to bring her back to me.along the line i was happy for brigs which introduce me to a spell caster wintchcraftspell@gmail.com men this temple is magical,good and sweet truly she is back to me she inside right now i was just ask to follow up some steps by the temple and 6 days later Gina come begin that she dint know what came over her,i accept her quickly for she is my hearth viewers in this blog should help me thank the grate temple.
#17 - alex - 02/18/2012 - 11:17
George cheeeaaaaaaars...

George cheeeaaaaaaars... when my girl friend broke up with me and after a week I want her back because i could not stay alone. i was really missing her so much but I think she hates me. I tried being friends but I guess it isn't helping. How should I ask her to the dance with me in my birth day that was coming up or just ask her out again? The reason could not let go off me my confusion lead me to on-line help and i found DOCTOR WINTCHCRAFT SPELL TEMPLE i contacted him wintchcraftspell@gmail.com
i was ask to follow up some due procedure which i did,i was so surprise when she call me on my birth day she move down to my home crying just to see my face waaaooooooooooooooo cute the magic really work similar problems should contact him fast he is not a joke.
#16 - George - 02/18/2012 - 09:41
I AM HAPPY
Hi every one, my name is Shannon and i want to tell you all of how i got my man back with the help of Priest Andrew. My husband of seven years left me and our son for another woman saying that he is tired of me and want to move on with his life without me, i knew that something was wrong cause i did nothing wrong to him that can lead to break up. this break up left me in a confused state and there was nothing i could do until i told a friend about it who told me about this priest. at first, i never thought it was going to work out, but i had no choice than to give it a trial, then i contacted him and he did a spell for me and behold my husband came back on his knees begging to be with me for the rest of his life. i was quite amazed myself with the way the spell work. I would gladly recommend him for anybody cause he is really powerful and can make things happen. his contact is priestandrew91@yahoo.com,
#15 - agbalaxy@gmail.com - 02/08/2012 - 18:19
It appears he needs his space in a good way
I've been in an exclusive relationship with a man for 2 months. For the first 45 days we saw each other constantly, day, nights, weekends. Just recently, he stopped doing some of the things he use to, like: call me at least once a day. Now, he seems to be distancing himself from me. Days will go by and he wouldn't have called me, nor return my calls. On his days off we don't get together. I finally, asked him if we could make arrangements to get my belongs that I left at his house. He mailed them to me in a box, along with a card entitled, 'Thinking of you'...In the inside he wrote, "I am not sure where to start or if I can explain what happened. I guess I was getting too comfortable with you and it scared the hell out of me. You did small things that irritated me I used that to rationalize my thoughts. Which I know now is the wrong thing to do. You are a wonderful person and even as I write this I miss you and know I made a huge mistake. I truly loved the time we spent together...Love XXXXX. Well, I called him and left a message and asked if we could start over and try to work out our relationship. I didn't waited for him to call me back and by a certain time I went to his house to return some items he had mailed to me in error. I was just going to drop the items off and leave. Not expecting him to open the door, he invited me in. He explained that he missed me and that his becoming so comfortable with me scared him. He realized that he was changing from his normal 'bachelors' routine. I stayed the night. The next morning, we briefly talked and he explained that he didn't want us to see each other EVERY time he was off work, or feel like we had to talk EVERY day. I asked him if we were still in an exclusive relationship. He said he didn't know how to respond to that question. I told him that he had responded. When it was time for me to leave, we simply kissed and hugged. I said, "stay in touch'. I don't recall if he responded. What should I do? Does he sound like he just needs some 'good space' or was he telling me that we are done?
#14 - Tamia - 02/04/2012 - 10:48
I guess we have to show these men how wonderful we are by let them miss us. No contacting or what so ever at all. Unless after a while they contact you after you made them feel to miss you.

My boyfriend has gone to Taiwan for 6 months and then that's when our relationship got it's bruises. He got a lot of female attention, he denied but it was true. I was jealous, and I was nagging about it (my mistake). Then he changed in a bad way for our relationship. He tried to break up after I visited him there when he was 3 months there. It wasn't a warm welcome at all, we had fights especially when I found out he cheated on me emotionally (I say emotionally because I don't have proof he cheated on me with this girl physically). He keep saying he had no other feelings for another girl what so ever and that the problem was our relationship. I worked on my jealous behaviour and I think I've become stronger especially when he tried to break up with a month before he came back. I begged him to wait until he was back. I lost a lot of weight because I felt heart broken. I was nervous and insecure I didn't know what to do or feel because we didn't have that much contact anymore. When we called everything seemed normal and he said he missed me.In the mean time I found out he spent a weekend alone in big city in a hotel with this girl (he doesn't know i know this, but I also don't know if they shared one bed). When he came back he was really confused because I saw his affection for me still in his eyes, but still he wanted to break up because he didn't want to fight for our relationship anymore. And when i said, he was right by leaving me because I deserve a man after all who loves me, respects me and stays with me the rest of my life loving me. He was silent for a while and then took it back. He said he needed space and time to think, he wants 2 weeks to see if there is still a chance for us. We are still in that period but he kisses me and sleeps over (my mistake because i'm not sure if he is taking advantage of that). But he also said I should give him space, so whenever he is not with me I shouldn't contact him or when I do he could be saying he doesn't want to see me right now but he actually meant I don't have to contact him, because he will if he wants to see me anyway. This is kind of a dilemma, but now I also have to time to think if I really want to be with him even though i want to be with him right now.

But I was wondering, how long can your bf get away with it by not contacting you? 1-2 days or 4-5 days? I personally think it's quite long if he doesn't contact you in 3 days. What do you think? I definitely think I should leave him if he thinks he can get away with not leaving me message in 6 days. Because I just had to miss him for 6 months!He got a lot of space there anyway, now he's back he wants more space??
#13 - Mash - 01/19/2012 - 13:03
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